You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
