Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
