i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize