theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
