My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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