Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize