a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
