marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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