You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
