it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
