sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
