used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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