my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
