i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
