This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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