i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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