Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize