We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize