brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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