Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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