I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
