can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
