On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
