So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so let's talk penis.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
