this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
