They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Randomize
