You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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