I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize