the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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