I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
