I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
