We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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