very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
