chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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