His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
