i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
