Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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