so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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