i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
