You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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