OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's Friday. Sex?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
