so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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