break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
zippers are such a cool invention
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
