OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
