areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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