Got a toothbrush?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize