HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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