It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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