can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
