The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
