This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
