I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize