well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize