Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
