He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
