i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
