I faked an abortion last night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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