the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
