I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
