I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MIDGETS
????
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
