Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
