I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize