I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
