I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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