i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
