my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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