is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
