Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
