Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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