his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
