My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
