Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
