The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he was CRYING into my vagina
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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