for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
