I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
