I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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